hello. aquarius ward,dr doujit consultent i will talk about my concerns. patients enter his consultations because when he notices someone is not doing well he has dissapointment in him.yes. it is true .always watching people .but usually it is bad,but i worry it is tiring .sometimes i wish i could help him .i dont really think i am mental because,it is just a feeling inside that is caused by horrible environment and the ,moral challanges . i like to drink urine ,i know that it is a cure for everything .because,I might get cancer if i dont do it.I dont even care about my life so why ,but,my death should not be slow ,uncontrollable monsters ,growing inside of me.no. They dont understand.i tell him we are all different.he understands. .he is a really good person.on the internet it says psychiatresits are bad and i believed it too but,if a pill is making me suicidal ,he wasnt the one taking it,he did not know. i have trouble explaining whats wrong,i know it is important but, i worry about my apperance .i think i am a hideous beast.i need to hide myself all the time but it is them ,people always just hurt me ,it is horrible ,but it is true ,if only they could see inside . sometimes i feel as if they can read my thoughts but,i know for sure that i can read theirs because,often they are similar to mine. he tried to convince me that i wasnt asking for proof that i was. Also,i have anxiety around people and autism. and I am worried ,i can sleep at night ,i hear voices and i dont know what to do.They just whisper to me ,it scars me sometimesthey fight with eachother .it is horrible i am only a kid .i dont know whats happening to me. all they scream is help me ,they are suffering ,i want to help but ,i cant get to these people ,as of now i know they are are just illusions but i still want to reach them because ,they are so intimatly close the me and they sound like they are being tourtured . i feel really iscolated and sad .Everyday i sit in the corridor on my own .I feel so numb inside ,i dont feel things.I feel nothing.It is so terrible like my soul is hollow and i am noone.Before i got admitted i nearly died I was so iscolated . I am iscolated in a different way now . Sometimes i am afraid to cry because i will look sad i am misrable sad person,noone will like me .Everyone likes wants to help me but,i tell them that it is okay because putting my worries on peoples mind ,i feel bad .Ive become so numb i cant feel you there ive become so tired so much more aware ive become a mess all i want to do is be more like ME and be less like YOU. Sometimes i feel bad noone really knows that i selfharm everyday ,i selfharm to can be in control of pain. i dont feel things.I go to school in the ward and i wake up and i eat and i sit down and i walk and i dont feel things sometimes people scream but,it doesnt matter.Nothing matters anymore . I am just numb sometimes i cry and noone knows but they say 'school time cath'-and i go.it is really hard ,i wish i could stay in bed all the time.
my name is cath ,i like him because he listens but i dont want to take the pills i cant cope on them i love do daljit he is consultent on aquarius ward